Torn

Each morning I get up before Tom leaves for work. I make some coffee and sit down to check my email and catch up on blogs. I basically just enjoy the 30 or so minutes of peace before Brendan wakes up. Wednesday morning I opened up my inbox to find the email I was hoping wouldn't come. I got my start date for work. I have 18 days left at home with my boy. Tom knew something was wrong so I told him. And proceeded to nearly have a nervous breakdown. Bless his heart, he told me I don't have to go. We decided before we ever decided to have a baby that I would be a working mom. We're pretty sure we could make ends meet with one income, but the fact is that we like stuff. And we like nice stuff. And I want my baby to have all the stuff he wants. I want to have enough money for a nice house when we're done with the military. I want to save money for Brendan's future. I want to have the money to be able to fly back to the States when we want to. All that will be possible if we both work. Plus, in this economy, I need to simply be grateful that I have been offered employment. Good employment. I just hate the thought of leaving my boy. When I dropped him off for his first day of daycare he was seven weeks old. And I very nearly puked in the parking lot. However, he was fine (I know because I checked on him EVERY day for weeks on end). In fact, he was so fine that he eventually couldn't wait to get out of my arms and into Mrs. Loretta's. Don't get me wrong - he was always excited to see me when I came to pick him up - but I know that he enjoyed being around the other kids. I'm a firm believer that kids need to be with kids. I think he needs the interaction and the social skills. He needs to learn to be nice and to share, and he will only learn these things if he is around other kids he needs to be nice to and to share with. I tell myself all this and yet I still feel sick when I think about leaving him. So, I told Tom he has to do the drop off. At least at first. I can't handle it.

I decided I needed to forget about my troubles. I got him ready and we went to the zoo. We met a girl on the sea wall last week who is only here for one week while her husband is TDY. She was asking about things to do within walking distance. I invited her to go to the zoo with us. I told Tom this and he said, "Just be careful. You never know about people." Haha...her husband told her the same thing about me!

I saw plenty of these in Georgia, but I really liked this picture.

Once again, the small enclosures saddened me.

He was watching those hippos.

There were a lot of kids on field trips.

We didn't get to feed any animals, but we did spend some time in the petting zoo.

I must be confused. That big boy can't POSSIBLY be my baby.

He was nibbling, not biting.

We learned that "goat" in Japanese is "yagi."

Remember the kids on the field trips? Well, they were "petting" the guinea pigs and the chicks. We didn't really think they should be allowed to. Little kids are too rough with tiny animals.

We spent a couple hours there. It was a gorgeous day and we had a good time. There were tons more flowers than there were the last time we went.

I think our little trip was just what we (I) needed.